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Patel Knows everything

Patel was bragging to his boss one day,' You know, I know everyone there is to know.. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Patel how about Tom Cruise?' 'Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.' So Patel and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, 'Patel! Great to see you!'

You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!' Although impressed, Patel's boss is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Patel that he thinks Patel's knowing Cruise was just lucky. 'No, no, just name anyone else,’ Patel says.
'President Obama,' his boss quickly retorts.

'Yes,' Patel says, 'I know him, let's fly out to Washington .' And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Patel on the tour and motions
him and his boss over, saying, 'Patel , what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up.'

Well, the boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Patel who again implores him to name anyone else.

'The Pope,' his boss replies. 'Sure!' says Patel. 'My folks are from Poland , and I've known the Pope a long time.'

So off they fly to Rome ... Patel and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Patel says ,'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.' And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican .

Sure enough, half an hour later Patel emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Patel returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Patel asks him, 'What happened?'

His boss looks up and says, 'I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, who's that on the balcony with Patel?

The Art of Appraisal Process !!....sit back n enjoy............;)

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

UMA: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

UMA: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

UMA: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

UMA: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

UMA: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

UMA: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

UMA: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

UMA: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

UMA: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

UMA: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

UMA: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

UMA: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

UMA: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

UMA: *faints*

Note: U M A = U, Me or Anyone