Monday, November 21, 2011

HINDI FILM SONGS & THEIR MEDICAL INTERPRETATIONS


Jiya Jale jaan jale, Raat bhar dhuan chale : FEVER

 Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi : HEART ATTACK


 Juda hoke bhi tu mujhme kanhi baaki hai: CONSTIPATION

 Bidi jalayile jigar se piya jigar ma badi aag hai: ACIDITY            


 Tujhme rab dikhta hai yaara main kya karoon : CATARACT

 Tujhe yaad na meri aayi kisi se ab kya kahna : ALZEIMERS


 Mann dole mera tann dole : VERTIGO.

 Tip tip barsa paani, paani ne aag lagayee : BURNING
 SENSATION WHILE URINATING

 Dil Dhadak Dhadak ke keh raha hai..... HIGH BP

 Aaj Kal Paaon Zameen per nahin padte mere........CORN
 ON FEET

 Haay re haay Neend nahin aaye....... INSOMNIA

   Zindagi zindagi kya kami rah hai
HIGH CHOLESTRAL and HIGH SUGAR

Mein shayar tho nahi jab se dekha tujko mujko ... Pschezoprenia...

Phir bhi man pyasa....
Dehydration

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

business style

Indian way of doing Sales....... ......... ....Business !!!
 
 
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C. One from U.S., another fromIndia and the third, from China.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The U.S. contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring.

Then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring,
then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

Prayers in emergency (on a lighter note)

In case of an emergency, speak only in English and forget about saying prayers in any other language...
U never know what kind of translation problem u can run into... :)
             
An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance. 
Being religious, he kept repeating - Hari Om Hari Om Hari Om.
When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics: 'Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?' 

They replied 'Because he kept saying Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!'


Arrested for laughing


This is from an actual trial in the UK : A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing...................She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.


His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant..

She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

The case was dismissed.........! !!!!!!!

Friday, July 8, 2011

List Pl see : Important Medical Help Required

  1. Blood Donors - www.blooddonors.in

    India's blood donor database; register as blood donor and save life ;
    www.blooddonors.in/ - Cached - Similar
  2. Lionsbloodline.com

    18 Jan 2011 ... Volantary blood donors directory of major Indian cities - Bangalore, Calcutta, Chennai, Delhi, Hyderabad, Mumbai.
    www.lionsbloodline.com/ - Cached - Similar
  3. Blood Doning

    Once the blood is collected, several chemicals are added for the preservation. The cord blood can be stored for the donor itself or for general use. ...
    www.mumbaiblooddonors.org/ - Cached
  4. Blood Donors Vasai Mumbai

    This website attempts to bring together the 'needy' and the 'donors' under a common platform. Whether to donate blood or not is the sole decision of the ...
    www.blooddonorsvasai.com/ - Cached
  5. Indian Blood Donors

    India's largest blood donor database; register as blood donor and save life ; Bringing Blood Donors and Seekers together;
    www.indianblooddonors.com/ - Cached - Similar
  6. Blood Donors In India - Explore.oneindia.in

    Mumbai Blood Donors tries to help victims/patients/those in need of blood. It is an attempt to reach out to these individuals in need of blood and connect ...
    explore.oneindia.in/health/blood/donors/ - Cached - Similar
  7. Blood Donors Meetups near Mumbai - Blood Donors Meetups - Mumbai

    Find Meetup Groups in Mumbai, in about Blood Donors.
    blooddonor.meetup.com/cities/in/mumbai/ - Cached - Similar
  8. BLOOD BANKS IN MUMBAI AND THANE

    4 Aug 2005 ... 122 BLOOD BANKS IN MUMBAI AND THANE This list below gives short address and telephone number of each FDA licensed blood bank ...
    www.karmayog.com/lists/bloodbanksmumbai.htm - Cached - Similar
  9. Emergency Blood Banks – Mumbai

    “List of Hospital and Blood banks Address and Phone Numbers, Also somewhere free blood donors in Mumbai with groups like O Positive, rh Negative, ...
    www.mumbai77.com/pages/services/blood-banks/ - Cached - Similar
  10. Associations Of Blood Donors in Mumbai - Justdial

    Associations Of Blood Donors in Mumbai - Contact Details, addresses & more information Associations Of Blood Donors in Mumbai. Top listings for Associations ...
    mumbai.justdial.com/associations-of-blood-donors_Mumbai.html - Cached

  1. Donation

    Help Rotary protect children and banish polio to history books.
  2. Donate to Specific Causes

    Our donation kits affect targeted people in need. 100% to charity!
  3. HIV/AIDS Vaccines

    Imagine a world without AIDS. Learn more. Donate now.
  4. Support Families in Need

    Donate to the Ashland Emergency Fund and Help Neighbors in Need!
  5. Your Donation Will Help.

    Give the gift of hope to Armenian orphans today. Please donate now.
  6. Donating School Supplies

    Foundation Supporting Education For Children Worldwide. Give Hope Now!
  7. Donations in mumbai

    Help credible charities in Mumbai. Learn how you can change lives...
  8. Donors

    Surrogacy Website Find Your Egg Donors, Surrogate Mothers Online

Patel Knows everything

Patel was bragging to his boss one day,' You know, I know everyone there is to know.. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Patel how about Tom Cruise?' 'Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.' So Patel and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, 'Patel! Great to see you!'

You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!' Although impressed, Patel's boss is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Patel that he thinks Patel's knowing Cruise was just lucky. 'No, no, just name anyone else,’ Patel says.

'President Obama,' his boss quickly retorts.

'Yes,' Patel says, 'I know him, let's fly out to Washington .' And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Patel on the tour and motions
him and his boss over, saying, 'Patel , what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up.'

Well, the boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Patel who again implores him to name anyone else.

'The Pope,'
his boss replies. 'Sure!' says Patel. 'My folks are from Poland , and I've known the Pope a long time.'

So off they fly to Rome ... Patel and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Patel says ,'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.' And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican .

Sure enough, half an hour later Patel emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Patel returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Patel asks him, 'What happened?'

His boss looks up and says, 'I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, who's that on the balcony with Patel?


The Art of Appraisal Process !!....sit back n enjoy............;)

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

UMA: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

UMA: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

UMA: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

UMA: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

UMA: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

UMA: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

UMA: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

UMA: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

UMA: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

UMA: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

UMA: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

UMA: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

UMA: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

UMA: *faints*

Note: U M A = U, Me or Anyone

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Enhancing Relationships

Enhancing Relationships ...

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose
number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations. .



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

RIGHT SPEECH !!!

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey? "Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.

Monday, January 3, 2011

A couple along with their two children were travelling to a farther place in train.

Husband: Why do you prefer train darling? Is it because of a trip on a pair of rails which are always together?

Wife: No, it's because of those rails that never join.

Co-passenger to wife: Mam, do you have coffee maker in home?

Wife: Yes he is. (pointing her hubby)

Co-passenger: What type of a washing machine do you have Mam? Automatic or semi-automatic?

Wife: Neither, I have only "The Semi". (looking at her hubby)

Another co-passenger to husband: Where are you coming from Sir?

Husband: from my wife's native "Bang"aluru. (looking at his wife)

Co-passenger to wife: Where are you going now?

Wife: to my hubby's place "MUM"bai.

after a while the wife asks a pretty girl nearby.

Wife: What are you doing?

Girl: I am about to marry my lover next week!

Wife: Is your boy look good?

Girl: I didn't scan yet.

The train stops in a station by 3 in the noon and the family was very hungry.

Hubby: Can we have our lunch now?

Wife: Didn't you pack that I cooked in the morning?

Hubby: I din't because I want to kill the bugs and rats so I kept it open there itself.

Then the hubby rushes to the station canteen to pack something.

Husband: Hey, we travel in this train. Get me something for 4 to eat quickly.

Server: Sir, the train will halt for half an hour. You need not be in hurry.

Husband: What do you have?

Server: Special Meal, Ordinary Meal, Special Cake and Ordinary Cake.

Husband: What is the difference between the Special Cake and Ordinary Cake?

Server: Just one month.

Husband: Then I don't want cake. (he is scared by the server's answer and his wife too) Give me one ordinary meal. Let me taste it and then pack if it is good.

Server gives him the Ordinary Meal. There were 6 stones found in the meal. The hubby patiently collects all the 6 stones and shows to the server.

Husband: See there are 6 stones in your meal. What is this?

Server: Sir, we put only this much in Ordinary Meal.

Husband is worried and asks for the Ordinary Cake to taste. While he take the cake near his mouth, a bad smell came form the cake.

Husband: Hey, this cake is stinking. How can you serve this?

Server: I can not call Dr. Abdhul Kalam to serve this. Only I can serve this ordinary cake.

Husband: OK. It's time to move. Pack me 8 Special Cakes. I have to catch the train.

Server: Sorry Sir. With our Special Cake, we catch only the rats not the train.

The husband faints there.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Excellent Definitions of Designations

DEFINITIONS OF DESIGNATIONS:

(Executives defined in refined manner)

Project Manager
... thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer
... thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator

... thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client
... one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager
... thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team
... thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team
... thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor
... is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester
... always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager
... thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!!


Problem of Plenty - simply superb !

Hi,


Mukesh Ambani in his 27 storeyed home...... Mukeshbhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor, takes a swim in the swimming pool on 17th floor, has breakfast on the 19th floor, dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes bye to Nitaben on 16th floor, says ‘see you’to his children on 13th floor, and goes down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 crore Mercedes to office, but then, he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs.

But on which floor?
15th, 17th, 19th, 14th, 21st, 16th or 13th ?
He phones all his servants, cooks,maids, secretaries, pool attendants, gym trainers, lift attendantsetc. on all the floors. There is a hectic search and lot of running around on all the floors, but the key is not traceable .

Fed up, after half an hourof frantic search, Mukeshbhai leaves in a huff in a chauffeur driven Ikon car.
At 3.30 P.M. late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back , a temporary replacement maid had washed Mukeshbhai's pant and hung it to dry on a string in the balcony of 16th floor, with car keys in the pant pocket. The key had blown away somewhere in the high winds at 16th floor level and was never found.

This was detected because of Nitaben's habit of checking clothes given for ironing personally.
Meanwhile, after 3 days of the incident, Nitaben with all irritation writ large on her face, complained to Mukeshbhai asking him where he was roaming till 3 A.M. last night …

Mukesh replied that he was at home all night.
"Then why did the helicopter land in the terrace at 3 A.M?
I was so much worried…I could not sleep whole night," quizzed Nitaben.
"Oh That helicopter….That helicopter came from Germany , sent by Mercedes people to deliver the duplicate car key".......mumbled Mukesh.

Moral of the story : Stay in 1 BHK / 2 BHK flat only. The Least-Problem Home.

HOW TO SEND FAX FROM COMPUTER!!!

Dear All,


VERY USEFUL INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!


Windows XP can send, receive, track, and monitor faxes without an external fax machine. However, the fax component is not installed automatically during Windows setup. This step-by-step article describes how to install, enable, and configure the fax service in Windows XP.


Requirements

· A computer that is running Windows XP and is equipped with a fax modem that is connected to a telephone line

Most modern modems are fax modems. If you are unsure whether your modem can send and receive faxes, see the documentation that was included with your modem.

· The CD that you used to install Windows XP

Notes

· You do not need a separate fax machine to send and receive faxes with Windows XP fax service.

· If you plan to transmit printed material by fax, you must have a scanner. If you plan to create faxes electronically, you do not need a scanner.

Install the fax component

To install the fax component, follow these steps:

1. Click Start, and then click Run.

2. Copy and paste or type the following command in the Open box, and then click OK:

appwiz.cpl

It may take several seconds for your computer to compile a list of programs. The Add or Remove Programs dialog box opens.

3. Click Add/Remove Windows Components to the left of the list of programs to start the Windows Components Wizard. This takes several seconds.

4. In the Components list, click to select the Fax Services check box, and then clickNext. Setup installs the fax services.

5. If you are prompted, insert the Windows XP CD, and then click OK.

If the Welcome to Microsoft Windows XP window opens, click the X in the upper-right corner to close it.

6. Click Finish, and then click the X in the upper-right corner of the Add or Remove Programs dialog box to close it.

The fax component of Windows XP should be installed now. If you have problems installing the fax component, go to the "Next Steps" section.

The next step is to configure the fax service. To do this, go to the "Configure the fax service" section.

Configure the fax service

To configure faxing capability in Windows XP, follow these steps:

Step 1: Configure the cover page, select a modem, and enable the fax service to send and receive faxes

a. Click Start, point to All Programs, point to Accessories, point to Communications, point to Fax, and then click Fax Console.

The Fax Configuration Wizard starts.

b. If you are prompted, type the area code or city code of your present location, a carrier code, the number that you must dial first to dial out, and the telephone system that you are using (Tone or Pulse), and then click OK.

If the
Phone and Modem Options dialog box is displayed, select your location (if more than one exists), and then click OK.

c. Click Next, type the information that you want to appear on your fax cover page, and then click Next.

d. In the Please select the fax device list, click the modem that you want to use.

e. If you want to disable the ability to send faxes from this computer, click to clear theEnable Send check box.

Note By default, the
Enable Send check box is selected.

f. Click to select the Enable Receive check box if you want the computer to receive faxes.

Note When this check box is selected, you can click
Manual answer if you do not want the computer to automatically receive faxes. By default, automatic answering is enabled.

g. Click Next.

Step 2: Enter TSID and CSID information and configure printing and storing preferences

a. Type the Transmitting Subscriber Identification (TSID) that you want to use in the TSIDbox.

Note The TSID is mandatory in some areas. This identification information typically appears in the header area of a fax that you receive and can help you recognize the fax machine where the fax originated. The TSID typically includes the sender's fax number and business name.

b. Click Next.

c. Type the Called Subscriber Identification (CSID) that you want in the CSID box.

Note The CSID text that you enter appears on fax machines that send faxes to you. For example, if you enter "123 Fax", a machine that sends you a fax might display the message "Sending a fax to 123 Fax" while sending.

d. Click Next.

e. Click to select the Print it on check box if you want each fax that you receive to be automatically printed. When you select this check box, you can select a specific printer to print the fax.

f. Click to select the Store a copy in a folder check box if you want to archive a copy of each fax. When you select this check box, you can specify the storage location for the fax copy.

g. Click Next.

h. Confirm the configuration settings in the Configuration Summary list, and then clickFinish.

The Fax Configuration Wizard closes and the Fax Console window opens. The computer is now configured to send or receive faxes.

If you have to change your fax service settings, use the Fax Configuration Wizard by following the instructions in the "Change the fax configuration" section.

If the Windows fax service is not working as you expected, go to the "Next Steps" section. For information about receiving faxes or sending a scanned document or image, go to the "More Information" section.

Change the fax configuration

Use the Fax Configuration Wizard to change your fax service settings. You can start the Fax Configuration Wizard from the Fax Console window. To start the Fax Configuration Wizard, follow these steps:

1. Click Start, point to All Programs, point to Accessories, point to Communications, point to Fax, and then click Fax Console.

2. In Fax Console, click Configure Fax on the Tools menu to start the Fax Configuration Wizard.

Note You may be prompted to "unblock" the program. If this is the case, click
Unblock.