Jokes: Some More humour

Jokes: Some More humour

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in.
She said: Cheque books. 



The easiest way to make your old car run better, 
is to check the prices of new car. 




What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.




Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute
and then expects your pulse to be normal.




Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on
the mat as you came in? New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.




Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!




Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings you
into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.




Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and
closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.

One World Pyramide To Succes in Life

   Use The Following Tips Be Achieve The Bet From The Life This A Well Tested Formula For Life.

  

 

Use... this... in... life

Talk---------------Softly

Walk----------------Humbly

Eat-------------------Sensibly

Breathe--------------------Deeply

Sleep----------------------Sufficiently

Dress---------------------------Smartly

Act-------------------------------Fearlessly

Work---------------------------------Patiently

Think-----------------------------------Truthfully

Believe------------------------------------Correctly

Behave-----------------------------------------Decently

Learn---------------------------------------------Practically

Plan-----------------------------------------------------Orderly

Earn----------------------------------------------------------Honestly

Save--------------------------------------------------------------Regularly

Spend---------------------------------------------------------------Intelligently

Love---------------------------------------------------------------------Passionately

ENJOY --- -------------------------------------------------------------------COMPLETELY

Enjoy this.. Scientist way

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven............ They decide to play hide-n-seek.........Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den...........He is supposed to count up to 100...and then start searching.....

Everyone starts hiding except Newton......... Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front
of Einstein...........

Einstein's counting 1,2,3......97,98,99.....100........ He opens his eyes and finds Newton  standing in front........

Einstein says "newton's out..newton's....out....." Newton denies and says i am not out........ He claims that he is not Newton......

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton..........

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared..... That makes me Newton per meter squared...... since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT...........! 

full forms of short Forms ..

	A	B
1	*S*	*Smile*
2	10Q	Thank You
3	1FTR	One For The Road
4	24/7	24 hours a day; 7 days a week
5	A/S/L?	Age/Sex/Location?
6	A/S?	Age/Sex?
7	AAMOF	As A Matter Of Fact
8	ACK	Acknowledgement
9	ACRONYM	Abbreviated Coded Rendition Of Name Yielding Meaning
10	ADD	Attention Deficit Disorder
11	ADHD	Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
12	ADN	Any Day Now
13	AFAIAC	As Far As I Am Concerned
14	AFAICR	As Far As I Can Recall
15	AFAICT	As Far As I Can Tell
16	AFAIK	As Far As I Know
17	AFAIR	As Far As I Remember/Recall
18	AFAIUI	As Far As I Understand It
19	AFJ	April Fools' Joke
20	AFK	Away From The Keyboard; Away For A Kwickie
21	AFL	AbsoFreakinLutely
22	AFOG	Another Fucking Opportunity for Growth
23	AHPF	All Hail Pass Fail (via MIT)
24	YA x AICMFP	You are x and I claim my five pounds (Britishism; via old newspaper promo)
25	AISB	As I Said Before
26	AISE	As I Said Earlier
27	AISI	As I See It
28	AIUI	As I Understand It
29	AIW	As It Were/Was
30	AKA	Also Known As
31	AMAP	As Much/Many As Possible
32	ANFAWFOS	And Now For A Word From Our Sponsor
33	ANSI	American National Standards Institute
34	AOB	Any Other Business
35	AP	Age Play
36	APAC	All Praise And Credit
37	API	Application Program Interface
38	ARPA	Advanced Research Projects Agency
39	AS	Another Subject
40	ASAP	As Soon As Possible
41	ASCII	American Standard Code for Information Interchange
42	ASL	Age-Sex-Location
43	ASNWS	A Simple No Would Suffice
44	ATB	All The Best
45	ATK	At The Keyboard
46	ATLA	Another Three Letter Acronym
47	ATM	At The Moment
48	ATSL	Along The Same Lines
49	ATTN	Attention
50	ATTYOB	Anything That Turns You On Baby
51	AUP	Acceptable Use Policy
52	AWCIGO	And Where Can I Get One
53	AWGTHTGTATA	Are We Going To Have To Go Through All This/That Again
54	AWGTHTGTTA	Are We Going To Have To Go Through This/That Again
55	AWHFY	Are We Having Fun Yet
56	AWOL	Absent Without Official Leave
57	AYBABTU	All Your Base Are Belong To Us
58	AYMK	As You May Know
59	AYT	Are You There
60	B&D	Bondage and Discipline
61	B/C	Because
62	B4	Before
63	B4N	Bye For Now
64	BAC	By Any Chance
65	BAD	Broken As Designed
66	BAG	Busting A Gut
67	BAGL	Busting A Gut Laughing
68	BAK	Back At Keyboard
69	BBB	Busy Beyond Belief
70	BBFN	Bye Bye For Now
71	BBIAB	Be Back In A Bit
72	BBIAS	Be Back In A Sec
73	BBL	[I'll] Be Back Later
74	BBM	Big Beautiful Man
75	BBR	Burnt Beyond Repair
76	BBS	Bulletin Board System / Be Back Soon
77	BBT	Be Back Tomorrow
78	BBW	Big Beautiful Woman
79	BC	Basket Case
80	BCC	Blind Carbon Copy
81	BCNU	Be Seein' You
82	BDSM	Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sado-Masochism
83	BDSMLMNOP	BDSM and whatever else we might do
84	BEG	Big Evil Grin
85	BF	Boy Friend
86	BFD	Big Fucking Deal
87	BFH	Bastard From Hell
88	BFMI	Brute Force and Massive Ignorance
89	BFN	Bye For Now
90	BFNN	Bizarre Format with No Name (document format)
91	BG	Big Grin
92	BI	Breidbart Index [the SPAM index of a Usenet post]
93	BIAB	Back In A Bit
94	BIAF	Back In A Few
95	BIALW	back in a little while
96	BIAS	Back In A Second
97	BIAW	Back In A While
98	BIC	Best In Class
99	BIL	Brother In Law
100	BION	Believe It Or Not
101	BIOYIOP	Blow It Out Your Input Output Port
102	BITD	Back In The Day
103	BITD	Beaten It To Death
104	BK	Because
105	BMHATK	Banging My Head Against The Keyboard
106	BMHATW	Banging My Head Against The Wall
107	BMOC	Big Man On Campus
108	BMTA	Brilliant Minds Think Alike
109	BMTIPG	Brilliant Minds Think In Parallel Gutters
110	BNF	Big Name Fan
111	BOC	But Of Course
112	BOF	Birds Of a Feather
113	BOFH	Bastard Operator From Hell
114	BOHICA	Bend Over, Here It Comes Again
115	BOHOF	Back Of Hand On Forehead
116	BOS	Big Orange Switch
117	BOT	Back On Topic
118	BOTEC	Back Of The Envelope Calculation
119	BPD	Borderline Personality Disorder
120	BRB	[I'll] Be Right Back
121	BRS	Big Red Switch
122	BRT	Be Right There
123	BSG	Big Smiling Grin; Broad Sweeping Generalisation
124	BSOD	Blue Screen of Death (Windows NT, et al.)
125	BSTS	Better Safe Than Sorry
126	BTA	But Then Again
127	BTAICBW	But Then Again I Could Be Wrong
128	BTAIM	Be That As It May
129	BTDT	Been There, Done That
130	BTDTGTTS	Been There, Done That, Got The T-Shirt
131	BTOBD	Be There Or Be Dead
132	BTOBS	Be There Or Be Square
133	BTSOOM	Beats The Shit Out Of Me
134	BTTH	Butt To The Head
135	BTTP	Back To The Point
136	BTW	By The Way
137	BWG	Big Wide Grin
138	BWQ	Buzz Word Quotient
139	BY	BusY
140	BYKT	But You Know/Knew That
141	BYKTA	But You Know/Knew That Already
142	BYOB	Bring Your Own Bottle/Booze
143	C&P	Copy & Paste
144	C/O	Care Of
145	CADET	Can't Add Doesn't Even Try
146	CB	Call Back
147	CB	Chastity Belt
148	CBT	Cock and Ball Torture/Training
149	CC	Carbon Copy
150	CCWC	Can't Cook Won't Cook
151	CD	Cross Dresser
152	CE	Creative Editing
153	CERT	Computer Emergency Response Team
154	CFD	Call For Discussion
155	CFV	Call For Votes
156	CG	Cute Grin
157	CGI	Common Gateway Interface
158	CHOWUR	See HOW yoU aRe
159	CHUR	See How yoU aRe
160	CIAC	Computer Incident Advisory Capability
161	CIAO	goodbye [pronounced Chow]
162	CIC	Christ I'm Confused
163	CIO	Cut It Out
164	CIS	Complete and Irrevocable Submission
165	CLAB	Crying Like A Baby
166	CLM	Career Limiting Move
167	CMIIW	Correct Me If I'm Wrong
168	CNC	Consensual Non Consent
169	CNP	Continued [In My] Next Post
170	CO	Clothing Optional
171	COD	Cash On Delivery
172	COTFLGUOAHAHA	Crawling On The Floor Laughing Guts Out And Having A Heart Attack
173	COTS	Commercial Off The Shelf
174	CP	Corporal Punishment
175	CPF	Can Pigs Fly
176	CRC	Cyclic Redundancy Check
177	CS	Cop Shop
178	CTS	Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
179	CTTD	Cute Things They Do
180	CTTOI	Come To Think Of It
181	CTTS	Cute Things They Say
182	CU	See You
183	CUL	See You Later
184	CUL8R	See yoU LateR
185	CW	Continuous Wave (the carrier type used for Morse code communications)
186	CW	Conventional Wisdom
187	CWYL	Chat With You Later
188	CYA	Cover Your Ass
189	CYA	See Ya
190	CYA	See You Around
191	CYL	See You Later
192	CYT	Cute Young Thing
193	C|N>K	"Coffee (piped through) Nose, (redirected to) Keyboard"
194	D&W	Ducking And Weaving
195	D/L	Download
196	D/S or D/s	Dominance and Submission
197	DADT	Don't Ask, Don't Tell
198	DAP	Parents Against Dyslexia :)
199	DARFC	Ducking And Running For Cover
200	DBA	Doing Business As
201	DBT	Dialectical Behavior Therapy
202	DEB	Don't Even Bother
203	DFM	Don't Flame Me
204	DFU	Don't Forget Units
205	DGT	Don't Go There
206	DID	Dissociative Identity Disorder (used to be MPD)
207	DIIK	Damned If I Know
208	DIIN	Damned If I kNow
209	DILLIGAFF	Do I Look Like I Give A Flying Fuck
210	DIM	Do It Myself
211	DIY	Do It Yourself
212	DK	Don't Know
213	DKF	Dreaded Koosh Flogger
214	DL	DownLoad
215	DLG	Devilish Little Grin
216	DLTDHYITAOYWO	Dont Let The Door Hit You In The Ass On Your Way Out
217	DMQ	Do-Me Queen
218	DNA	Did Not Answer
219	DNDK	Don't Know, Don't Care
220	DNO	Do Not Open [used in the subject line of a test post or email]
221	DNPM	Damn Near Pissed Myself
222	DNS	Domain Name System
223	DOA	Dead On Arrival
224	DOB	Date Of Birth
225	DOM	Dirty Old Man
226	DOS	Disk Operating System
227	DOYC	Deity Of Your Choice
228	DOYKB	Down On Your Knees, Bitch
229	DQOTD	Dumb Question Of The Day
230	DSW	Dick Size War
231	DTA	Don't Trust Anybody
232	DTOKAB	Drop To One Knee And Bow
233	DTP	DeskTop Publishing
234	DTRT	Do The Right Thing (contrast with DTWT)
235	DTTAH	Don't Try This At Home
236	DTWT	Do The Wrong Thing (contrast with DTRT)
237	DTYD	Drink Till You Drop (party at MIT)
238	DUCWIC	Do YoU See What I See
239	DUK	Dead Upon Keyboard
240	DWAI	Don't Worry About It
241	DWIM	Do What I Mean
242	DWIMC	Do What I Mean Correctly
243	DWIMNWIS	Do What I Mean Not What I Say
244	DWISNWID	Do What I Say Not What I Do
245	DWIW	Do What I Want
246	DWYW	Do What You Want
247	DYE	Damn Your Eyes
248	DYHWIH	Do You Hear What I Hear
249	DYSWIS	Do You See What I See
250	DoS	Denial of Service
251	E&OE	Errors And Omissions Excepted
252	E2EG	Ear to Ear Grin
253	EANAB	Equally Attractive Non-Alcoholic Beverage
254	ECP	Excessive Cross Posting
255	ED	Emotionally Disturbed
256	EDP	Emotionally Disturbed Person
257	EG	Evil Grin
258	EGBOK	Everything is Going to Be OK
259	EIF	Exercise In Futility
260	EIP	Everything Is Permissible
261	EMFBI	Excuse Me For Butting In
262	EMSG	email message
263	EOB	End Of Business
264	EOD	End Of Discussion
265	EOD	Explosive Ordnance Disposal
266	EOF	End Of File
267	EOL	End Of Lecture
268	EOM	End Of Message
269	EOT	End Of Thread
270	EPID	Every Person Is Different
271	ESOSL	Endless Snorts Of Stupid Laughter
272	ESP	ESPecially
273	ETA	Estimated Time Of Arrival
274	ETLA	Extended Three Letter Acronym
275	ETOPS	Engines Turn Or Passengers Swim (powerboats)
276	EWAG	Experienced Wild-Ass Guess
277	F2F	Face To Face
278	FA	Fat Admirer, one who prefers a fat sexual/romantic partner
279	FAIK	For All I Know
280	FAQ	Frequently Asked Question(s)
281	FCFS	First Come First Served
282	FCOL	For Crying Out Loud
283	FDROTFL	Falling Down Rolling On The Floor Laughing
284	FF	Fist Fucking
285	FFR	For Future Reference
286	FGM	Female Genital Mutilation
287	FIAWOL	Fandom Is A Way Of Life
288	FICCL	Frankly I Couldn't Care Less
289	FIIK	Fuck[ed] If I Know
290	FIIR	fuck[ed] If I Remember
291	FIL	Father In Law
292	FIOFY	Figure It Out For Yourself
293	FIRST	Forum of Incident Response and Security Teams
294	FISH	First In Still Here
295	FITB	Fill In The Blank
296	FLEA	Four Letter Extended Acronym
297	FLT	Fermat's Last Theorem
298	FM	Fibromyalgia
299	FMTYEWTK	Far More Than You Ever Wanted To Know
300	FOAD	Fuck Off And Die
301	FOAF	Friend Of A Friend
302	FOAFOAG	Father Of A Friend Of A Girlfriend
303	FOAG	Father Of A Girlfriend
304	FOD	Finger Of Death
305	FOS	Freedom Of Speech
306	FOT	Full Of Tripe
307	FOTCL	Falling Off The Chair Laughing
308	FRZ	Fruitin' Religious Zealot
309	FSD	Fools Seldom Differ
310	FSDO	For Some Definition Of
311	FSVO	For Some Value Of
312	FTASB	Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
313	FTF	Face To Face
314	FTL	Faster Than Light
315	FTM	For That Matter (or Female To Male trans)
316	FTMP	For The Most Part
317	FTP	File Transfer Protocol
318	FTR	For The Record
319	FTS	Fixin' To Start
320	FTSO	Fuck The Skull Of
321	FUBAR	Fucked Up Beyond All [Repair|Recognition]
322	FUD	Fear, Uncertainty, And Doubt
323	FURTB	Full Up Ready To Burst
324	FWIW	For What It's Worth
325	FYA	For Your Amusement
326	FYI	For Your Information
327	FYIV	Fuck You, I'm Vested
328	G	Grin
329	GA	Go Ahead
330	GAC	Get A Clue
331	GAFIA	Get Away From It All
332	GAFIATe	(to) Get Away From It All
333	GAL	Get A Life
334	GBH&K	Great Big Hugs & Kisses
335	GBH&KB	Great Big Hugs & Kisses Back
336	GCD	Greatest Common Divisor
337	GD&R	Grinning, Ducking, and Running (after a smart-ass comment)
338	GD&RF	Grinning Ducking And Running Fast
339	GD&RVVF	Grinning Ducking And Running Very Very Fast
340	GD&W	Grinning Ducking And Weaving
341	GF	Girlfriend
342	GFR	Grim File Reaper
343	GG	Genetic Girl
344	GGN	Gotta Go Now
345	GGP	Gotta Go Pee
346	GHOD	General Heuristic Organizing Device
347	GIF	Graphical Interchange Format
348	GIGO	Garbage In Garbage Out; Garbage In Gospel Out
349	GIWIST	Gee I Wish I'd Said That
350	GJP	Good Job Partner
351	GL	good luck
352	GLBT	Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans
353	GLG	Goofy Little Grin
354	GLGH	Good Luck and Good Hunting
355	GMT	Greenwich Mean Time [UK Time]
356	GMTA	Great Minds Think Alike
357	GOAT	Go Away, Troll
358	GOK	God Only Knows
359	GOOML	Get Out Of My Life
360	GOTFIA	Groaning On The Floor In Agony
361	GOWI	Get On With It
362	GPF	General Protection Fault
363	GRQ	Get Rich Quick (a type of spam - compare MMF)
364	GRUIT	Get Real yoU Impudent Thing
365	GS	Golden Shower
366	GTBOS	Glad To Be Of Service
367	GTG	Got To Go
368	GTGN	Got To Go Now
369	GTP	Got To Pee
370	H&K	Hugs & Kisses
371	H2	How To
372	HAK	Hugs And Kisses
373	HAND	Have A Nice Day
374	HCB	Holy Cow Batman
375	HHGTTG	Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy
376	HHIS	Hanging Head In Shame
377	HHO1/2K	Ha Ha Only Half Kidding
378	HHOJ	Ha Ha Only Joking
379	HHOK	Ha Ha, Only Kidding
380	HHOS	Ha Ha, Only Serious
381	HHVF	Ha Ha, Very Funny
382	HIB__	Have I Been ___________
383	HICA	Here It Comes Again
384	HNG	Horny Net Geek
385	HOMPR	Hang On Mobile Phone's Ringing
386	HOPR	Hang On Phone's Ringing
387	HOS	Husband Over Shoulder
388	HOUER	Hanging On yoUr Every Word
389	HOYER	Hanging On Your Every Word
390	HP	Home Page
391	HSF	(variants: H-S-F, H*S*F) Hand-Staple-Forehead (theatrical angst)
392	HSIK	How Should I Know
393	HSP	Highly Sensitive Person
394	HTH	Hope This Helps (often used with HAND)
395	HTML	HyperText Markup Language
396	HTTP	HyperText Transfer Protocol
397	HW	HardWare
398	HWNINS	He whose name is not spoken
399	HWP	Height and Weight Proportional (i.e.: "normal" build)
400	HWSNBN	He Who Should Not Be Named
401	HWWNBN	He Who Will Not Be Named
402	IAAA	I Am An Accountant
403	IAAD	I Am A Doctor
404	IAAL	I Am A Lawyer
405	IAC	In Any Case
406	IAE	In Any Event
407	IAGFII	It's All Good Fun Isn't It
408	IAMFI	I Ask Merely For Information
409	IAMTA	I Ask Merely To Annoy
410	IANA	Internet Assigned Numbers Authority
411	IANAA	I Am Not An Accountant
412	IANAC	I Am Not A Crook
413	IANAD	I Am Not A Doctor
414	IANAL	I Am Not A Lawyer
415	IANALBIPOOTV	I Am Not A Lawyer But I Play One On TV
416	IANYM	In A New York Minute
417	IANYS	In A New York Second
418	IAP	Internet Access Provider
419	IARTPFWTSIOWIM	I Am Repeating This Parrot Fashion Without The Slightest Idea Of What It Means
420	IAW	In Accordance With
421	IAWC	In A While Crocodile [usually used to reply to SYLA(cf)]
422	IBC	Inadequate But Cute
423	IBM	Inadequate But Marketable
424	IBTD	I Beg To Differ
425	IC	I See
426	ICB	I Care Because
427	ICBW	I Could Be Wrong
428	ICCL	I Couldn't Care Less
429	ICOCBW	I Could Of Course Be Wrong
430	ICP	Internet Content Provider
431	ICTYBTIHTKY	I Could Tell You But Then I'd Have To Kill You
432	ICUR	I See yoU aRe
433	ICYWC	In Case You Were Curious
434	IDGI	I Don't Get It
435	IDIC	Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations (via Star Trek)
436	IDK	I Don't Know
437	IDTS	I Don't Think So