A woman awakens during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies.
The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today"!!!!!!!!!!!! !!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS?
It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm. But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your great claws will only destroy it even more"
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?" The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV.
The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Scene: Inside the lion's cave.
In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits, who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
Moral:
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS, LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm. But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your great claws will only destroy it even more"
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?" The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV.
The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Scene: Inside the lion's cave.
In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits, who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
Moral:
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS, LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
thinking.....
NO OFFENCES PLZZZ
1.PROJECT MANAGER is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby
in one month.
2. DEVELOPER is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a
baby.
3. ONSITE COORDINATOR is one who thinks single women can deliver nine
babies in one month.
4. CLIENT is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby
5. MARKETING MANAGER is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even
if no man and woman are available.
6. RESOURCE OPTIMIZATION TEAM thinks they dont need a man or a woman:
they will produce a child with zero resources.
7. DOCUMENTATION TEAM thinks they dont care whether the child is
delivered, they will just document 9 months
8. QUALITY AUDITOR is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to
produce a baby!!!
1.PROJECT MANAGER is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby
in one month.
2. DEVELOPER is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a
baby.
3. ONSITE COORDINATOR is one who thinks single women can deliver nine
babies in one month.
4. CLIENT is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby
5. MARKETING MANAGER is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even
if no man and woman are available.
6. RESOURCE OPTIMIZATION TEAM thinks they dont need a man or a woman:
they will produce a child with zero resources.
7. DOCUMENTATION TEAM thinks they dont care whether the child is
delivered, they will just document 9 months
8. QUALITY AUDITOR is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to
produce a baby!!!
Spiritual Jokes: Astrological Prayers
Spiritual Jokes: Astrological Prayers
Aries
Dear God, please give me patience... and could you do it right now?
Taurus
Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick.
Gemini
Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?
Cancer
Dear God!!!
Leo
Yes?
Virgo
Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it up like You did the last time.
Libra
Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?
Scorpio
Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the b*****ds don't deserve it!
Sagittarius
Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.
Capricorn
Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!
Aquarius
Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridi culous!!
Pisces
Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Quotes for Performance !!
"Everything depends upon execution; having just a vision is no solution." – Stephen Sondheim
“If anything is worth trying at all, it’s worth trying at least 10 times.” Art Linkletter
“If anything is worth trying at all, it’s worth trying at least 10 times.” Art Linkletter
"I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act, but I believe in a fate that falls on men unless they act." –– G.K. Chesterton
"Slumps are like a soft bed.They're easy to get into and hard to get out of." Johnny Bench
"I like to be against the odds. I'm not afraid to be lonely at the top. With me, it's just the satisfaction of the game. Just performance."Barry Bonds
The few who do are the envy of the many who only watch.
Jim Rohn
"Slumps are like a soft bed.They're easy to get into and hard to get out of." Johnny Bench
"I like to be against the odds. I'm not afraid to be lonely at the top. With me, it's just the satisfaction of the game. Just performance."Barry Bonds
The few who do are the envy of the many who only watch.
Jim Rohn
"Great works are done when one is not calculating and thinking."Daisetz T. Suzuki
"There's no such things as coulda, shoulda, or woulda. If you shoulda and coulda, you woulda done it." Pat Riley
"Apply yourself. Get all the education you can, but then, by God, do something. Don't just stand there, make something happen." Lee Iacocca
Make rest a neccesity,not an objective.Only rest long enough to gather strenght. Jim Rohn
"My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging." Hank Aaron
"The important thing is to dare to dream big, then take action to make it come true." Joe Girard
"Step up the stairs or stare at the steps." Ralph Nichols
"I read myself out of poverty, long before I worked myself out of poverty." Walter Anderson
The soil says,"Dont bring me your need.Bring me your seed."
Jim Rohn
"Past performance produces present privileges." Anonymous
"Performance for another in no way signals the inferiority of the performer to the one for whom the performance is intended."Sandra Bartky
"Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour’s duties will be the best preparation for the hours or ages that follow it." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"When the right thing is understood, but one slackens his performance; then his attention will become commanded by the cares of the world, the deceitfulness of riches and the lust of other things. When these things come to dominate one's interest, his performance of the more important spiritual insights will fail. Belief without performance will never produce desired results. It is like planting seeds in your garden, watering the garden until they sprout, then failing to continue to water and weed thereafter. Likewise, a person caught by procrastination in the stony and thorny ground of mere belief, will never reap the fruits of his ideals." Loyd J. Ericson
"Performance for another in no way signals the inferiority of the performer to the one for whom the performance is intended."Sandra Bartky
"Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour’s duties will be the best preparation for the hours or ages that follow it." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"When the right thing is understood, but one slackens his performance; then his attention will become commanded by the cares of the world, the deceitfulness of riches and the lust of other things. When these things come to dominate one's interest, his performance of the more important spiritual insights will fail. Belief without performance will never produce desired results. It is like planting seeds in your garden, watering the garden until they sprout, then failing to continue to water and weed thereafter. Likewise, a person caught by procrastination in the stony and thorny ground of mere belief, will never reap the fruits of his ideals." Loyd J. Ericson
"An acre of performance is worth a whole world of promise."William Dean Howells
"It is our individual performances, no matter how humble our place in life may be, that will in the long run determine how well ordered the world may become." Paul C. Packer
You must learn to translate wisdom and strong feelings into labor.Jim Rohn
"It is our individual performances, no matter how humble our place in life may be, that will in the long run determine how well ordered the world may become." Paul C. Packer
You must learn to translate wisdom and strong feelings into labor.Jim Rohn
"Be fanatics. When it comes to being and doing and dreaming the best, be maniacs." A.M. Rosenthal
"The man who does not take pride in his own performance performs nothing in which to take pride." Thomas J. Watson
"You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand."Woodrow Wilson
"I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism." Charles Schwab
You must get good at one of two things;planting in the spring or begging in the fall. Jim Rohn
"What we think or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only thing of consequence is what we do." John Ruskin
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