Saturday, July 28, 2012

Geeta Saar ( Strictly For Employees Only)


It is increment time this may help you
 
GEETA SAAAR.....


 Post Appraisal . . . . . . .

 This is what Bhagwan Shri Krishna wants to tell you .

 Hey Parth (Employee),

Incentive nahi mila, Bura Huya
salary cut rahi hai, Bura Huya
Extra shift hogi, woh bhi bure hogi.

Tum pitchla incentive na milne ka paschatap na karo,
Tum agle incentive ki chinta na karo,
Bus apni salary main santusta raho....

Tumhari pocket se kya gaya, jo ro te ho?
Jo aaya tha sab uper ki income thee.
Tum jab nahi the, tab bhi company chal rahi thee
Tum jab nahi hoge, tab bhi chalegee.

Tum ne aisa kaun sa response diya, jo tumhara tha..
Sab kuch, cut copy paste ka khel tha.

 Tum koi experience leker nahi aaye the..
Jo experience mila yahi mila...
Jo support diya company ke liye...
Degree leker aaye the, experience leker chalo.

Jo system aaj tumhara hai...
Woh kal kisi aur ka tha....
Kal kisi aur ka or parson kisi aur ka hoga..
Tum ise apna samajh kar kyo magan ho rahe ho..
Yahi kushi tumhari tension kaa kaaran hai.

 "Kyo wayarth chinta karte ho, kisse wayarth darte ho,
Kaun tumhe nikaal sakta hai......"

Policy change company ka rule hai.
Jise tum policy change kahte ho, wahi to trick hai.

"Ek pal main tum Best performer or Hero no.1 ya Super
Star
 ban jaate ho,

 Dusre pal main tum worst performer or target nahin
achieve
 kar paatey ho."

Appraisal, incentive etc. etc. mann se hata do,
vichaar se mita do, Phir company tumhari hai or tum
company
 ke.
na yeh increment wageyrah tumhare liye hai
na tum iske kabhi ho, Parantu job secure hai
Phir tum tension kyon lete ho........?

Tum apne aap ko company ko arpit kar do,
Yahi sabse bada golden rule hai,
Jo is golden rule ko jaanta hai,
woh review, incentive,recession,retirement aadi se sada
ke
 liye muqt ho jaata hai.... 
 
HURRY (H)OM(e)..

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Just for laughs

One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.

Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.  "Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.   "If I catch you, you're mine."

Some amazing facts

Some amazing facts....
Nature is Amazing


[1]   Some Facts:
1)  BOOK WITHOUT LETTER 'e':             GADFY , written by Earnest Wright in 1939 is a 50,000+ word book, which doesn't contain a single word with ' e ' in it
2)  WORD WITHOUT VOWEL:                 RHYTHM
3)  BRAIN:                                              Organ of body which has no sensation when cut .
4)  CROCODILE:                                     Only animal & reptile which sheds tear while eating .
5)  No of Alphabets, which SOUND AS WORDS:
They are
       B       Bee
       C       Sea
       G       Zee
        I       Eye
        Q       Queue
        R       Are
        S       Yes
        T       Tea
        U       You
        Y       Why
[2] Birds, Animals and Trees amaze you!

1)     SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tongue.
2)     A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes.
3)     DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open.
4)     A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tonnes of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months.
5)     The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species.
6)     The fierce DINOSAUR was TRYNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs.
7)     DIMETRODON was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal.
8)     CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw.
9)     The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body.
10)    OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food.
11)    POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed.
12)    KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell.
13)    ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds.
14)    OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees.
[3] Quiz

1)      If we say 'MUMMY', they come together & go apart when we say 'DADDY'? - LIPS
2)      What goes up & never comes down? - AGE
3)      Patches over patches but no stitches? -  CABBAGE
4)      What is that we cannot see, but is always before you? - FUTURE
5)      What goes up & down a hill, but never moves?  - ROAD
6)      You can never wet it? -   SHADOW
7)      What belongs to You, but used by your friends more often you do? - YOUR NAME

[4]     In a period of a day or 24 hours an average human:

1)      HEART beats 1,03,689 times.
2)      LUNGS respire 23,045 times.
3)      BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles.
4)      NAILS grow 0.00007 inches
5)      HAIR grows 0.01715 inches
6)      Take 2.9 pounds WATER (Including other liquids)
7)      Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD.
8)      Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR.
9)      Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE.
10)     Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT.
11)     Speak 4,800 WORDS.
12)     During SLEEP move 25.4 times

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Managing Problem Employees


Managing Problem Employees
 
One of a manager's toughest jobs is dealing with problem employees. No matter what the problem - tardiness, sloppiness, poor performance - the best course of action is always immediate. Allowing the problem to continue or escalate is counterproductive for the employee, for you and for the rest of your staff.
 
The first step in dealing with a problem employee is to identify the trouble. One of your employees may be consistently late or spend more time socializing with coworkers than doing their job. They may be difficult to manage or lack the proper skills to do their job. The problem may be incompatibility with other employees or their supervisor. Or they may break company rules or deliberately defy company policies.
 
Many times, a simple, honest talk with an employee will dissolve issues such as occasional tardiness or minor attitude problems. But chronic behavior or performance problems usually require more than conversation.
 
There are two courses of action you can take with a problem employee. The most obvious is disciplinary, which may consist of issuing the employee a written warning or reassigning them to other duties or to another department. This action is most appropriate for serious infractions, such as ongoing problems and issues where company policies or rules have been broken or ignored.
 
The second choice is coaching or mentoring. This is usually the best choice for first-time offenses or work-performance problems with entry-level or nonprofessional employees. Coaching requires a manager to work one-on-one with problem employees or to assign another employee to work with the employee to overcome their shortcomings. The mentor should provide the employee with feedback and solutions for improving their performance. Coaching requires patience and a substantial time investment, but it can help modify an employee's behavior.
 
Successfully managing problem employees requires you to quickly identify and get to the root of the problem. Consider the following common problems with employees and the suggestions for dealing with them.
 
1. Poor performance.
Poor performance is not always due to a lack of skills; the employee may simply be disorganized or sloppy. These habits can usually be corrected with proper guidance. If performance difficulties relate to a lack of skills, consider coaching or additional training.
 
2. Job incompatibility.
In some cases an employee becomes a problem because their skills aren't compatible with their assigned tasks or regular duties. In this case, offering the employee additional training or assigning them a different set of tasks is usually the most appropriate course of action.
 
3. Sloppy work.
Errors and sloppiness aren't always easy to detect. When you notice that an employee has made some errors, point out the mistakes to the employee and monitor their work more closely. If the problem persists, speak with the employee and detail the most serious examples of problems with their work. Remember to remain positive and focus on how important the employee's contribution is to the company. You don't want to berate the employee; you want to provide them with constructive criticism.
 
4. Disruptive behavior.
Try to get the employee on your  side. Take the employee out for lunch or a cup of coffee in a casual setting and give them the opportunity to express their feelings and concerns about what's troubling them. It may be a personal problem or a simple case of feeling unappreciated.
 
If the problem is more serious, conduct a closed-door meeting with the employee and show them documented examples of their problem behavior. Discuss the possible consequences they face - change in responsibilities, demotion or termination - if their behavior does not change.
 
When managing a problem employee, it's critical that you document the problems and record all discussions and actions you've taken. Employees often consider written warnings more seriously than verbal reprimands. Creating a paper trail that documents problems and history is important, especially if you decide to terminate the employee.
 
 
[Source: AllBusiness.com]
 

Managing Change


Managing Change
 
The Internet, mergers and acquisitions, and a highly competitive and growing business landscape have changed the structures of many businesses. Companies that succeed and survive in today´s marketplace must anticipate change, adapt and thrive.

But change - whether it relates to management structure, fast growth or radical changes in your industry - can be difficult to manage, especially when your employees don´t have a clear understanding of what´s going on or how it affects them. To help employees through any transition, you´ll need to take a proactive role in managing and communicating change to your staff.
Be up front with employees. Make sure that employees first learn about changes from leaders rather than through the grapevine. If your employees hear rumors around the water cooler about restructuring, spin-offs, or new products, or read speculation in the local business media, your job of communicating change will be much more difficult. After all, resisting change is natural - it´s human nature to avoid the unknown and maintain familiar work patterns. Overcome this resistance by talking to your employees before rumors begin to fly.
Involve key communicators. While having the CEO speak to the entire staff in a company-wide meeting sounds like a good idea, he or she may not be able to share enough detail to satisfy employee questions at all levels. Let your company´s front-line supervisors address each of their employees and answer their questions. Giving employees the high-level vision and the hands-on detail will help them better understand and accept potentially upsetting news. 

Create an effective message. Consider the specific informational needs of executives, middle managers, supervisors and employees, and tailor your message to fit each audience. Often companies communicate only what´s happening at the corporate level and neglect the things that are really important to employees, such as how the change affects their future.

Remember, employees don´t think about the company the way executives do. They want to know about things that you may find unimportant, such as how future plans will affect their personal work area. Whoever communicates change to employees needs to understand their concerns.
An effective message should also explain how your employees´ day-to-day duties directly impact the company´s performance and should touch on the values and pride of the employees. A direct, face-to-face interaction can help reinforce positive attitudes, inspire employees and help them adapt to the change.
Listen to your employees. Employee feedback is critical in managing change. Holding focus groups with employees is a great way to gauge reaction and monitor the progress of change. You also can encourage employees to provide feedback through email or the company intranet. This shows them that you care and provides a forum for employees to share their thoughts (by name or anonymously), which is hard for some employees to do in person.
Communication is the cornerstone to successful change management. Talking to your employees is not a one-time event, and you need to reinforce your message by communicating early and often.

[Source: AllBusiness.com]