The Art of Appraisal
Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".
UMA: What? How come 'average'?
Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
UMA: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.
Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.
UMA: What???
Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
UMA: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.
Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
UMA: Huh? *Confused*
Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
UMA: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?
Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
UMA: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.
UMA: *head spinning*
Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
UMA: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.
Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
UMA: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?
Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
UMA: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.
Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.
UMA: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
UMA: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?
Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!
UMA: *faints*
Friday, July 8, 2011
The Art of Appraisal Process !!....sit back n enjoy............;)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Enhancing Relationships
Enhancing Relationships ...
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose
number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
NO POINTING FINGERS
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
NO OVERPOWERING
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations. .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
RIGHT SPEECH !!!
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
PERSONAL PERCEPTION
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey? "Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose
number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
NO POINTING FINGERS
A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you."
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
NO OVERPOWERING
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations. .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
RIGHT SPEECH !!!
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, "Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
PERSONAL PERCEPTION
Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey? "Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.
Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.
It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.
Monday, January 3, 2011
A couple along with their two children were travelling to a farther place in train.
Husband: Why do you prefer train darling? Is it because of a trip on a pair of rails which are always together?
Wife: No, it's because of those rails that never join.
Co-passenger to wife: Mam, do you have coffee maker in home?
Wife: Yes he is. (pointing her hubby)
Co-passenger: What type of a washing machine do you have Mam? Automatic or semi-automatic?
Wife: Neither, I have only "The Semi". (looking at her hubby)
Another co-passenger to husband: Where are you coming from Sir?
Husband: from my wife's native "Bang"aluru. (looking at his wife)
Co-passenger to wife: Where are you going now?
Wife: to my hubby's place "MUM"bai.
after a while the wife asks a pretty girl nearby.
Wife: What are you doing?
Girl: I am about to marry my lover next week!
Wife: Is your boy look good?
Girl: I didn't scan yet.
The train stops in a station by 3 in the noon and the family was very hungry.
Hubby: Can we have our lunch now?
Wife: Didn't you pack that I cooked in the morning?
Hubby: I din't because I want to kill the bugs and rats so I kept it open there itself.
Then the hubby rushes to the station canteen to pack something.
Husband: Hey, we travel in this train. Get me something for 4 to eat quickly.
Server: Sir, the train will halt for half an hour. You need not be in hurry.
Husband: What do you have?
Server: Special Meal, Ordinary Meal, Special Cake and Ordinary Cake.
Husband: What is the difference between the Special Cake and Ordinary Cake?
Server: Just one month.
Husband: Then I don't want cake. (he is scared by the server's answer and his wife too) Give me one ordinary meal. Let me taste it and then pack if it is good.
Server gives him the Ordinary Meal. There were 6 stones found in the meal. The hubby patiently collects all the 6 stones and shows to the server.
Husband: See there are 6 stones in your meal. What is this?
Server: Sir, we put only this much in Ordinary Meal.
Husband is worried and asks for the Ordinary Cake to taste. While he take the cake near his mouth, a bad smell came form the cake.
Husband: Hey, this cake is stinking. How can you serve this?
Server: I can not call Dr. Abdhul Kalam to serve this. Only I can serve this ordinary cake.
Husband: OK. It's time to move. Pack me 8 Special Cakes. I have to catch the train.
Server: Sorry Sir. With our Special Cake, we catch only the rats not the train.
The husband faints there.
Husband: Why do you prefer train darling? Is it because of a trip on a pair of rails which are always together?
Wife: No, it's because of those rails that never join.
Co-passenger to wife: Mam, do you have coffee maker in home?
Wife: Yes he is. (pointing her hubby)
Co-passenger: What type of a washing machine do you have Mam? Automatic or semi-automatic?
Wife: Neither, I have only "The Semi". (looking at her hubby)
Another co-passenger to husband: Where are you coming from Sir?
Husband: from my wife's native "Bang"aluru. (looking at his wife)
Co-passenger to wife: Where are you going now?
Wife: to my hubby's place "MUM"bai.
after a while the wife asks a pretty girl nearby.
Wife: What are you doing?
Girl: I am about to marry my lover next week!
Wife: Is your boy look good?
Girl: I didn't scan yet.
The train stops in a station by 3 in the noon and the family was very hungry.
Hubby: Can we have our lunch now?
Wife: Didn't you pack that I cooked in the morning?
Hubby: I din't because I want to kill the bugs and rats so I kept it open there itself.
Then the hubby rushes to the station canteen to pack something.
Husband: Hey, we travel in this train. Get me something for 4 to eat quickly.
Server: Sir, the train will halt for half an hour. You need not be in hurry.
Husband: What do you have?
Server: Special Meal, Ordinary Meal, Special Cake and Ordinary Cake.
Husband: What is the difference between the Special Cake and Ordinary Cake?
Server: Just one month.
Husband: Then I don't want cake. (he is scared by the server's answer and his wife too) Give me one ordinary meal. Let me taste it and then pack if it is good.
Server gives him the Ordinary Meal. There were 6 stones found in the meal. The hubby patiently collects all the 6 stones and shows to the server.
Husband: See there are 6 stones in your meal. What is this?
Server: Sir, we put only this much in Ordinary Meal.
Husband is worried and asks for the Ordinary Cake to taste. While he take the cake near his mouth, a bad smell came form the cake.
Husband: Hey, this cake is stinking. How can you serve this?
Server: I can not call Dr. Abdhul Kalam to serve this. Only I can serve this ordinary cake.
Husband: OK. It's time to move. Pack me 8 Special Cakes. I have to catch the train.
Server: Sorry Sir. With our Special Cake, we catch only the rats not the train.
The husband faints there.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Excellent Definitions of Designations
DEFINITIONS OF DESIGNATIONS:
(Executives defined in refined manner)
Project Manager
... thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer
... thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Onsite Coordinator
... thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
Client
... one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
Marketing Manager
... thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Resource Optimization Team
... thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team
... thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor
... is never happy with a delivered baby.
Tester
... always tells that this is not the Right baby.
HR Manager
... thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!!
Problem of Plenty - simply superb !
Hi,
Mukesh Ambani in his 27 storeyed home...... Mukeshbhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor, takes a swim in the swimming pool on 17th floor, has breakfast on the 19th floor, dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes bye to Nitaben on 16th floor, says ‘see you’to his children on 13th floor, and goes down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 crore Mercedes to office, but then, he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs.
But on which floor?
15th, 17th, 19th, 14th, 21st, 16th or 13th ?
He phones all his servants, cooks,maids, secretaries, pool attendants, gym trainers, lift attendantsetc. on all the floors. There is a hectic search and lot of running around on all the floors, but the key is not traceable .
Fed up, after half an hourof frantic search, Mukeshbhai leaves in a huff in a chauffeur driven Ikon car.
At 3.30 P.M. late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back , a temporary replacement maid had washed Mukeshbhai's pant and hung it to dry on a string in the balcony of 16th floor, with car keys in the pant pocket. The key had blown away somewhere in the high winds at 16th floor level and was never found.
This was detected because of Nitaben's habit of checking clothes given for ironing personally.
Meanwhile, after 3 days of the incident, Nitaben with all irritation writ large on her face, complained to Mukeshbhai asking him where he was roaming till 3 A.M. last night …
Mukesh replied that he was at home all night.
"Then why did the helicopter land in the terrace at 3 A.M?
I was so much worried…I could not sleep whole night," quizzed Nitaben.
"Oh That helicopter….That helicopter came from Germany , sent by Mercedes people to deliver the duplicate car key".......mumbled Mukesh.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)